Untitled
by WritingsOfAnObsessedFangirl
Summary: Just something that started as a one shot and has become longer. A work in process. Maura was the godmother to one beautiful little girl. Fast forward seven years and now she's alone, raising Jane's daughter as the FBI begins to investigate Jane's supposed murder. But nothing is as it seems. What is Maura missing and will she ever know the truth?
1. Chapter 1

This was a day you had always been both expecting and yet finding impossible to imagine. Jane was a hero. There were countless times in which Jane had bravely thrown herself in front of a bullet or a mad man, a bomb or a car, just to save someone else's life; lives she seemed to hold in higher regard than her own. After her child had been born, Jane had changed. She was still the brave, brash, bold detective she had always been, but caution and care seemed to echo faintly like the whispers off of cave walls when she approached her work and her life now; it wasn't just caution where she was concerned, but also where Maura herself was concerned.

Maura had always been Jane's village, but over time Jane had grown to see Maura as far more than one of the several villagers that aided in the gestation, birth, and raising of her daughter. Maura had become not just another mother, but _the _other mother. Where there was Jane and her daughter, there was Maura. Maura picked _their_ girl up from school; saw her first steps, spent Christmases with them, chased snowflakes in the winter and lightning bugs in the summer with the girl who was now seven and every bit the spitting image of her birth mother. Along the way and throughout the years, Maura had become everything to the little lady that Jane was herself, and it had all started years ago with one conversation about what would happen to the unborn child still growing in Jane's womb should something happen to the overconfident and overly courageous detective.

Nonetheless, today was never supposed to have happened.

Never.

Not this way, and not now; not before her child was even grown.

Maura sat on the edge of the bath tub in her Beacon Hill home, a white and fluffy towel wrapped around the still toned and curvy body of the medical examiner. Her hair was turning more silver, but only a few strands seemed to show themselves now and then, weaving through her hair like the yarn in a tapestry, telling the story of a woman who had lived thus far an ever growing and changing life. Her freckles were more prominent and her hazel eyes had more of an almost matte appearance to them now, the green rim in them more of a faded teal than the piercing emerald it had been long ago. But today there was no light in her eyes, no green flecked throughout that showed mirth or light brown around her pupils that shone warmly with comfort and content, today they had steel, cold shade to them; it was the same shade they had been for the past week and a half.

She had identified the body so Angela wouldn't have to.

She had taken home Jane's daughter and explained to her as gently as possible what was happening, how her mommy wouldn't be coming home today.

She had stayed up for the past three days, running on cups of coffee that were so strong even Jane would have turned them down and the pure grief alone.

She had spent her nights fighting off demons she couldn't see that stalked behind the eyelids of a child.

She had cried herself to sleep at three am this morning, clinging to a pillow that still smelled like Jane.

She had taken the pristine and decorated uniform to the funeral home.

She had tried to write a eulogy.

She had fought the urge to overdose on sleeping pills just to leave consciousness behind long enough to feel something other than hurt, the only thing keeping her from doing so the equally as deep pain in the dark, now cold eyes of Jane's baby girl; of _her _baby girl.

She sniffled once, a silent track of tears slowly running down her face, steam from her shower long gone and only a biting chill sinking into Maura's bones. Her hair was up in a wet bun, her makeup and hair products strewn across the counter, Jane's shirt hanging on a hook beside the shower, the article of clothing Maura had slept in the night before. She gripped the edge of the tub with her hands, her heart beat almost nonexistent where it faintly beat a slow rhythm in her chest. She stared vacantly at the floor, her eyes fixated on the groove between tiles, the grainy details becoming clearer the longer she stared.

She needed to get ready so she could help Luciana get ready.

Maura smiled to herself softly, remembering when Jane had finally decided on that name.

"_Jane, no. You are not naming her after an allergy pill!"_

"_Allegra is a beautiful name!" Jane whined. "What's wrong with that?"_

_Maura arched an eyebrow. "Really?"_

"_Okay, fine, what about," Jane had paused, index finger tapping her chin as she scrolled down the list. _

_Maura watched the lights from the computer reflect in Jane's coal colored eyes and smiled softly. This woman had always been beautiful to the doctor, but now, at seven months along and pregnancy glow all about her, Jane seemed to be the embodiment of beauty. It wasn't the stereotypical pregnancy glow that did it; it was the glow that emanated from inside of Jane and outward. Her personality had become more warm, her rough edges softer and her closely guarded heart slightly more vulnerable. The world wasn't an entirely evil place anymore to Jane. There were bright, warm areas every once in a while. _

"_What about," Jane stopped and smiled, biting the edge of her lip as she blushed, avoiding meeting Maura's eyes, "Luciana? We can call her Luci or Luc for short."_

_Maura smiled, "See? That's much better! What does it mean?"_

_Jane shrugged. "I don't know. Shouldn't you?"_

_Maura grabbed the Mac, turning it so she could read the screen, her heart warming even more so when she read off the meaning aloud. _

"'_Feminine form of the Italian 'Luciano,' meaning light.' I love it," Maura said softly. "Why that one, if I may ask?"_

_Jane shrugged, picking at the robe she wore. "She's the light of my life, the bright spot in everything that's happened to me. She's my light."_

_Maura's smile grew. "It's perfect." She let a comfortable pause linger before she scooted her stool closer, typing on the keyboard. "Now a middle name."_

"_What? Why?" Jane whined. "I mean, look at our middle names! Clementine and Dor-"_

_Maura glared at Jane, pointing a finger. "Don't. You. Dare."_

"_Dor-o-the-a," Jane finished, drawing it out into more syllables than necessary. _

_Maura continued to glare before she went back to typing, simply threatening, "I'll just change her name on the birth certificate while you're asleep."_

"_You wouldn't!"_

_Maura smirked. "Or would I?"_

_Jane raised an eyebrow, using her index finger to pull on the V in Maura's shirt to expose the freckled skin of Maura's chest. "Mm, Maur? Hives."_

_Maura smacked Jane's hand away, laughing as she did so. "I don't have any. Must mean I'm telling the truth."_

_Jane rolled her eyes as she watched Maura scroll, ignoring the way Maura fought to keep from scratching the now appearing marks on her chest as they crept up her neck._

Tears pricked Maura's eyes again as she thought about the memory, the realization sinking in for the millionth time just how much of a part of Luci's life she had always been. Jane had insisted that if the baby have a middle name it be of Irish decent, specifically for Maura. Maura had searched for weeks before she finally came up with the name she wanted. She laughed softly to herself as she pictured Jane sitting on the couch, feet propped up and eyes glued to a Bruins game, her hand resting on her now eight months along belly.

"_I found a name," Maura announced as she walked into the living room, a glass of water in one hand and a bowl of popcorn in the other. She gracefully sat down next to Jane, curling up with her feet beside herself and the bowl of popcorn between herself and Jane. _

"_We already have names, Maur," Jane joked, reaching into the popcorn bowl._

_Maura rolled her eyes and threw a piece of popcorn at Jane. "Not for us, Detective Smartypants."_

"_Hey! Throwing food is so rude, Doctor Etiqutte."_

"_Do you want to hear it or not?"_

_Jane shrugged, "Sure. Fire away."_

"_For her middle name, Aideen."_

_Jane smirked. "Is that even an actual name?"_

_Maura rolled her eyes. "Yes, it is. It's Irish. It's from an Irish legend. Aideen was so in love with her lover that when he fell in battle she died of a broken heart. It's formed like the name Aidan from the root 'aed' meaning fire."_

_Jane raised an eyebrow, looking at Maura. "That's only morbidly depressing."_

_Maura shrugged and stared at the screen, continuing to feign care about the game that was on._

"_I like the legend. It has meaning to me."_

"_How? You haven't died of a broken heart, which, may I remind you, you tell me all the time is impossible."_

"_There's actually an interesting case in which-"_

"_Nuh uh. No. What's the real reason you love that name so much?"_

_Maura fell silent, unsure of what she should say._

"_In the legend she dies of a broken heart from losing someone she loved, someone she couldn't live without," Maura repeated quietly. "If something happened to, a certain individual in my life, a certain person that I love and know I cannot possibly see my life without," Maura swallowed around the knot that had formed in her throat, "I feel like I would do the same as Aideen. So would Luciana." Maura felt the color rise in her face and retracted her hand from the popcorn bowl, placing both of them on her lap and turning to look at Jane. "Neither she nor I would be able to live without you. At least not easily, and not without feeling it every day of our lives."_

_Jane looked at Maura with a sheen of tears in her eyes before she smiled and looked back at the TV._

"_Yeah," she said quietly. "I like it. Luciana Aideen Rizzoli." There was a brief pause before Jane added, trying to lighten the mood, "besides, it's weird and old fashioned. It continues the tradition of unwanted and awkward middle names."_

_Maura laughed quietly, throwing popcorn at Jane._

A small knock on the bathroom door is what pulled Maura reluctantly from her memories, fresh tears on her face and a pained tremble in her body. She wiped her eyes and stood, crossing the large room to the door and taking a deep breath before twisting the knob and opening it. Luciana stood just on the other side, her eyes red and puffy from crying and her hair tangled and wild from having just woken up. She was holding a pink bear that had the head and arms of a bear and in place of its body was a square blanket. It had been a gift for Luci when she was born from both Jane and Maura. The bear had a pink bow tie and a smile, the blanket reading "sleepy head Luci." Her nightgown was sliding off one shoulder, the purple fleece material stopping just under her knees, a picture of a pony on the front.

"Mommy Maura, I had a bad dream," the little girl murmured, her lower lip quivering as she stood in front of the medical examiner. "I can't sleep anymore."

Maura smiled softly, the corners of her mouth fighting to not form a frown giving her face a sad, pained expression under the gilded smile.

"Come here baby, give me a hug," Maura told the girl, opening her arms and squatting down so she was on her knees.

She held the little girl tightly, wrapping her arms around the small, warm body, the little girls face buried in Maura's neck. As Maura held Luciana she felt warm tears fall onto her skin, little sniffles quietly echoing through the otherwise quiet room. Maura couldn't even begin to imagine how Luci felt right now. Losing a parent as an adult was hard enough, but to lose a parent as a child? Maura wanted nothing more than to fix everything, to give this little girl her mother back, but she couldn't.

"It's going to be okay," Maura murmured quietly. "I know it doesn't feel like it now. I know you're scared and upset and hurt; but I'm going to be here for you. Always."

"Momma says that," Luci told Maura, her voice a small quiver, "and now she isn't here anymore."

Maura felt her throat clench shut and bit her lip. She pulled away, holding Luci out arm's length from her body, her hands on Luci's shoulders.

"I will never, ever leave you," Maura told her daughter. "Luciana Aideen Isles, you are everything to me. Absolutely everything. Just like your mother is the entire world to me, you are the moon and the stars," she said, her own voice shaking. "I love your mother. I will always love your mother every day for the rest of my life. And I love you. I love you more than you can possibly imagine, Luci, and no matter what happens, I will always be here for you and with you. I will never leave you. Ever. Okay?"

Luci nodded, a small "okay" squeaking out as she moved in and hugged Maura again. The embrace lingered, the two finding solace and comfort in the small gesture and the quiet early morning. When Luci stepped back she looked up at Maura and could see what her momma had called bags under Maura's eyes. She smiled softly as she looked at Maura, obviously remembering something.

"What is it, baby girl?" Maura asked softly, smiling slightly as she ran a thumb under Luci's eye, wiping away a tear.

"Momma says you look prettiest first thing in the mornin'" Luci told her, her smile growing. "She says it's her favoritest time of the day, 'cause you don't wear no makeup, and you glow. I think momma is right."

Maura almost sobbed, a fresh wave of tears trying to fall as Luci's words hit her square in the chest, knocking the wind out of her lungs.

"When did she say that?" Maura croaked, swallowing thickly.

"One mornin' when you was makin' breakfast. She said she loves Saturdays 'cause you always get up and makes us eggs and bunny pancakes like Nonna does," Luci told Maura. "She was layin' in bed with me and was tellin' me 'bout how she couldn't wait to ask you somethin'."

"What was she going to ask me?" Maura asked softly.

Luci shrugged. "I dunno. But it must've been impor'ant because she was real nervous."

Maura nodded and leaned forward, kissing Luci's forehead.

"Well I think you're always beautiful," Maura told her softly. "You look just like your momma." She smiled softly and stood up, running her fingers through Luci's hair. "Go get your stuff ready so you can get cleaned up, okay?"

Luci nodded and turned around, the sound of her feet falling lightly on the floor echoing in Maura's bedroom. She stood there a moment, gathering herself before she turned and pushed the door closed, leaving only a small crack. She walked to the bathroom counter, looking at herself in the mirror once more before she took her hair down and began to brush it out. As she ran the brush and her fingers through her hair she zoned out, her mind traveling to many a morning spent rushing to get ready, swatting Jane's hands away from her towel and laughing as Jane tried everything she could to talk Maura back into bed.

Jane and Maura had begun dating six months after Luciana was born. For nine months Maura had stood by Jane's side, taking care of her and protecting her, coming up with baby names and plans and designs for the nursery. At that point Jane had practically moved in to Maura's house, a nursery there in the guest room. Jane spent more time at Maura's house than she did her apartment, and after a while Angela had begun spending nights at Jane's place for the sake of it still being worth the payments. When Luci was around six months old, Jane had walked into the nursery one morning to see Maura standing there in her robe, Luci on her hip as she bounced slightly, talking in a soft, happy tone to the baby girl.

_Jane stopped walking, her heart skipping a beat at the sight. She leaned against the door frame, watching Maura, smiling. Ever since she had gotten pregnant Maura had been right there, never leaving her side, not really. There had been the one or two love interests, but those hadn't lasted very long, each time finding Maura sitting at home with Jane, watching a movie or a game, relaxing as they talked about everything from the baby to work. Jane had found it increasingly difficult over time to act like she didn't love Maura. The cold, hard truth was that she had loved this woman for longer than she could remember, and this had only proved to make things that much more difficult to keep those feelings contained. _

"_Good morning," she rasped, walking into the room. _

_Maura turned to face her and smiled, Luci still sitting on her hip. "Good morning, Detective."_

"_How're my two favorite ladies today?" she asked, grinning as she walked up and put an arm around Maura's shoulder._

"_We're doing wonderful," Maura gushed, her eyes glued to Luci. "She's been up for about an hour. She's been changed and fed."_

"_Maur you could've woken me up."_

"_I know," Maura told her. "I wanted to do this. Besides, you needed to sleep."_

"_Mm, well, thank you," Jane said, kissing Maura's cheek._

_The blonde blushed, looking at Jane and smiling widely._

_Jane had left to go get ready, Maura doing the same as Angela came in to watch Luci, going straight into grandma mode, playing peekaboo and covering the tiny face with kisses. Jane had watched Maura get ready, her eyes traveling over the woman's frame, seeing how she furrowed her brow when putting her hair up for today's updo and how she focused on her eyeliner, determined to make it perfect. She loved the little quirks that were all Maura, how she had to put on her right shoe before her left or her skirt on before her shirt. When Maura was done getting dressed and was standing in the full length mirror, Jane walked up behind her, smiling softly._

"_You look beautiful," she rasped, watching Maura brush out imaginary wrinkles._

"_Thank you," the doctor said quietly. "You look rather dashing yourself."_

_Jane blushed slightly, biting her lip._

"_I'm going to do something, and I need you to not freak out. Okay?"_

_Maura swallowed nervously, biting the edge of her lip and nodding. Jane stepped forward, her front against Maura's back, and wrapped her arms around Maura's waist. She pulled Maura tightly against her and leaned down, kissing the crook of her neck softly, her lips lingering there, her eyes closed as she relished in the feeling of Maura against her. She nuzzled Maura's neck softly, her hands splayed out over Maura's stomach. Maura closed her eyes, leaning back into Jane, the moment seeming too surreal, the blonde afraid she would wake up at any moment. When Jane didn't move Maura opened her eyes to see Jane staring at her, dark eyes making her their sole focus. Maura turned slightly, craning her head back, and Jane leaned forward, managing to meet Maura's lips. _

_The kiss was soft and lingering, a moment within a life. There were no heavenly choirs, no sudden realizations; there was no sudden primal need to tear Jane's clothes off or fireworks. This kiss, this first kiss, was just like any other first kiss happening at that exact moment around the world, but for the two standing there, sharing this minuscule second, it was everything. The silence lingered around them, echoing in Maura's ears with a ringing sound, a small blush across her cheeks. For Jane, she could feel her own arms and hands shaking from their place around Maura's waist, the tremble faint and noticeable only to herself. The same piercing, yet faint ringing noise seemed to echo in her own ears, and the only other sounds were the echoes from downstairs, Angela cooking breakfast and the soft babbles of Luciana. This one moment, this unspectacular moment, was everything but ordinary for them, yet around them the world kept spinning, moving forward. To them, especially to Maura, none of that mattered. The rest of the world was irrelevant in these short, light minutes surrounding them; they were at the center of it. _

_When Jane pulled away she kissed Maura's temple before returning her lips to their place on the crook of Maura's neck. Maura hummed softly, smiling at the reflection she saw in the full length mirror. She had waited a very long time for this moment, and now that it had come and passed, she could feel the change in the air. It was palpable, like the warmth from the sun as it shone thousands of miles away; it was like being in the cold shadow of the moon on a crisp fall night, the golden glow of a street light shining over herself and Jane. This wasn't the explosive and time stopping moment she had heard about in fairy tales; it was better._

"_I've been thinking," Jane mumbled against warm skin._

"_That could be dangerous," Maura quipped, giggling softly as she felt Jane scoff._

"_Usually, yes it is, but I don't think it's too dangerous this time."_

"_And what have you been thinking?"_

"_That I love you," Jane answered softly, "And that I would like to take you out."_

_Maura's mouth hung open slightly._

"_What?"_

"_You've done a lot for me," Jane told her softly, standing straight and keeping her arms around Maura. "I feel like after all we've been through, I should realize that it's far past time."_

"_For?"_

"_For this to go somewhere," Jane told her. "This has always been going somewhere, and this, with Luci and everything, shows me that I need you, Maur," she said softly. "I need you in my life. I love you."_

_Maura placed her hands over Jane's, sliding her fingers in the spaces between Jane's own long fingers, and smiled, meeting Jane's eyes in the mirror. _

"_I think I would love to go to dinner with you, Ms. Rizzoli."_

"_Great," Jane said, smiling widely. "Tell me when and where, and we'll go."_

_And just like that, Jane and Maura had become Jane AND Maura, together. Over the next six months they had become more established in their relationship, more comfortable, and after six months of dating, Jane and Maura both realized just how easy this was. It felt like they had always been this way, but now Jane could kiss Maura whenever she wanted. She could run her hands over pale skin at night when they slept together. She could sneak into Maura's morning shower, if not to do anything but hold the doctor; and Maura found that she felt the same. Being with Jane was as easy as breathing. It was an innate sense that felt more natural than anything she had ever experienced. Dating Jane was like being friends with her, except now she could indulge in all of the more primal and carnal of her desires, as well as the more intimate and private moments. She loved being with Jane in every way possibly, and she loved that Jane loved being with her, too. _

Standing in her bathroom now it was hard to believe that she and Jane had been together for seven years. Seven long, amazing, chaotic years. Seven years of being a mother to a beautiful little girl, to living with the love of her life. Seven years of imperfectly chaotic perfection that made her so happy she felt like she could bust. Until just over a week ago, when all of that had been taken from her.

"_Where is she?!" she screamed. "Tell me where she is!" _

"_Doctor Isles!" Korsak called out in the middle of the chaos of the hospital. "Doctor Isles, she's here, but she's-"_

"_She's what?" Maura asked harshly. "She's what, Vince? Tell me!"_

"_She's hurt, Maura," Vince told her. "She's hurt real bad."_

"_What do you mean she's hurt? What happened to her?" Maura screamed. _

"_She was leaving, she was heading to her car, and all I know is someone attacked her in the alley."_

"_She doesn't park in the alley! She parks in the same damn spot she has for the past decade!"_

"_I know, which is why we don't understand why she went down there."_

"_What did they do to her?"_

"_She was shot."_

"_How many times?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Do you know anything, Vince, which will tell me whether or not my wife is dead?"_

_Vince looked at Maura, his jaw clenched._

"_She's in surgery."_

_Maura turned for the elevators, her footsteps quickly carrying her to the steel doors. She pressed the button, going over the map of Mass. Gen. in her head, trying to figure out where Jane would be. She stepped inside, cutting a cold glare to Korsak as he stepped in beside her, reaching over and pressing the button for the floor. Maura looked at it and her jaw clenched. She was infuriated by how little she knew and how much Korsak seemed to be withholding from her. As the elevator reached the floor she stepped out into the hallway, navigating with ease until she reached the station desk. Nurses and surgeons scrambling around and heading in and out of automated swinging doors._

"_Excuse me, I need-"_

_A doctor in an OR cap looked up at her. "Family is supposed to wait out there." The doctor left._

_Maura kept trying to get someone's attention but to no avail. Even Korsak, tried, but no one seemed willing to stop and give them any information what so ever on Jane._

"_Excuse me!" Maura yelled, getting the attention of quite a few people. "My name is Maura Isles and-"_

"_Ma'am, I have to ask you to-"_

_Maura's eyes cut like daggers to the tall man standing in front of her. "I am the Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts AND a donor to this hospital, doctor. Now either you will tell me what I need to know or I will have you and countless others reported for failure to notify the next of kin of a shooting victim that was brought into this hospital. Now, I better get some goddamn answers, and I better get them right now." Her chest heaved and her hands shook, her rage making her see red. "Someone tell me where the hell my wife is so that I can tell her mother and so that this Detective, who's investigation you are currently impeding, can do his job and find the son of a bitch who shot the mother of a child and decorated detective lying on one of these tables."_

_The surgeon held a vicious glare with Maura before he took a breath, backing down._

"_What's her name?"_

"_Boston Homicide Detective Jane Isles, badge number Victor 825. Height is 69" and weight is roughly-"_

"_She's currently in surgery. She's actually been in for around twenty minutes."_

"_How bad is it?"_

"_She was shot multiple times; her body has lost a lot of blood. She was going into cardiac arrest when she got here."_

"_How many gunshot wounds were there exactly?"_

"_We aren't sure."_

"_What kind of gun?"_

"_We can't be sure."_

"_What are her chances?"_

_The surgeon remained silent._

"_What are her chances?" Maura yelled._

"_Doctor Isles, I need you to go sit down and let me do my job." _

_With that he left, leaving a fuming and hurt Maura standing next to Korsak, the flurry of people still going as their worlds stood still. They were in the waiting room an hour. Korsak paced the floor, his eyes darting over to Maura every so often, the doctor sitting stoic, her elbows resting on her knees and her head in her hands. She looked very much unlike herself. She had come dressed in a pair of old shorts and an old Zepplin t-shirt. A pair of low top converse was on her feet and her hair was in a messy bun. The Doctor Isles in front of him had obviously been expecting to spend today in a very different manner, not sitting in the hospital waiting room, praying or meditating, hoping that Jane made it through. _

_A surgeon came out, still dressed so clearly just now showing himself from the OR. It was the same surgeon Maura had almost took the head off of earlier in the hall. He had a grim look on his face and his eyes held sympathy. Korsak already knew where this was going, but Maura had yet to look up, her head still cradled in her hands as she stared at the floor. _

"_Mrs. Isles?"_

_Maura looked up. "Yes? How is she?" She stood and approached the man, her hazel eyes dull and puffy. _

"_Jane came in to the ER with multiple gunshot wounds. There were five total; three were to her chest and the front of her body, two were in her back."_

"_She was shot once she was on the ground?"_

"_Yes. Twice."_

"_Is she okay? What's next?"_

_The surgeon clenched his jaw, looking Maura in the eye as he gave her the news she had dreaded to hear._

"_Jane didn't make it. I'm sorry."_

_Maura felt her heart drop and all of the air rush out of her lungs. She felt light headed and her knees began to buckle, Korsak reaching out and catching her._

"_Wha- What? No. No, you're wrong. She.. She's been through worse. She can ..She's fine. She has to be fine."_

"_Her lung collapsed and she lost too much blood. Her BP dropped and, just.. Between the bullet in her lung, the blood loss, and the artery the one in her chest nicked, Mrs. Isles, she wasn't strong enough to come back from this. I'm sorry."_

"_I want to see her."_

"_Mrs. Isles-"_

"_I want to see her!" Maura screamed. "I want to see her right now. I want her body sent to the Chief Medical Examiner's office, where I myself will do the autopsy," she turned towards Korsak, "And don't you DARE tell me I can't."_

Maura snapped back to reality, her hair dryer still running on the counter. She blinked a few times and reached down to turn it off, wrapping the cord and putting it back in its proper place. She plugged in her curling iron and looked in the mirror at herself, beginning to apply her make up. She put on her eye shadow, staying with neutral colors, soft browns and things Jane had always liked. She applied her eyeliner, keeping it simple with black on both her upper and lower lid, and applied her mascara. She thought about that first day, so long ago, when Jane had asked her to dinner, and smiled. She unplugged the curling iron, letting it sit to cool, and instead got what she needed to put her hair in a French twist updo. After she had finished everything she put up her curling iron and hair sprays, her brushes and utensils, and walked into her bedroom.

Lying on her bed was her dress. It was black with a lace collar and long lace black sleeves, the intricate design running down Maura's arms and up her throat. It was modest, no cleavage on display, and stopped right at her knees. She stepped into a simple pair of black Louboutin's, the most basic ones she had, a pair of stilettoes. She walked up to her dresser and found the hair pin she wanted, a clip with three black roses on it, and slid it into place in her hair. She looked at herself in the full body mirror and was reminded of how many times she had done this when getting ready for a date with Jane, their romance still very much alive after being married for six years.

To know she was doing this for her wife's funeral? It was sickening. She blinked away tears as she sighed and left her bedroom, going to Luci's room. She found the little girl had gotten her dress out along with her shoes and her tights. Her hair bows that she had chosen were sitting on the bed along with her brush and detangler spray. Luci herself was sitting on her bed, arms wrapped around a teddy bear from Jane. Her big brown eyes were puffy and her little fingers played with the bear's bow tie.

"Luci? Baby girl, we have to get you ready."

"I don't wanna," she said quietly. "Maybe if we don't go to the funeral, she'll wake up."

Maura sat on the edge of the bed, her heart breaking for her daughter.

"Baby, I know it hurts, it hurts right here, doesn't it?" she asked softy, her hand over Luci's heart.

The little girl nodded.

"It hurts me there, too. But you know what else is there?" Luci looked at and met Maura's hazel eyes. "All the love I have for your mommy, and all the love she as for me." The little girl stared at Maura, a tear falling down her cheek. "Mommy will always love you, and she'll always be right there in your heart."

Luci nodded, crawling forward and into Maura's lap. Maura held Luci, rubbing her back, her lips pressed to Luci's head. If anyone had told Maura eight years ago she would be a mother to her best friend's child, she would have laughed in their face; but now this felt natural, it was second nature. She lived for this little girl just as Jane did. She caught herself and tightened her hold on Luci; had, just as Jane had.

"Let's get ready, okay?" she told Luci quietly.

The little girl nodded. She helped Luci change out of her nightgown and got a wash cloth, wiping down the little girls arms and chest, her face, knowing she had broken out in a sweat from her nightmares. Luci had taken a bubble bath the night before, but Maura just wanted to make this seem as normal for Luci as possible, using the lavender soap she always used because it was calming, the smell familiar and a memory of Jane.

Maura helped Luci into her white tights, making sure they didn't get a run or tear in them. Next was the dress, the little black one with white eyelet detailing on the edge of the skirt and a white bow on the back. Her little buckle shoes came next, black flats that were shiny and new, never worn before now. She looked at Luci and smiled sadly, kissing the little girls forehead.

"You look beautiful. Just like your momma."

Luci smiled a small smile, wringing the pink bear she had slept with and entered Maura's room with that morning in her hands.

"Let's fix your hair, okay baby?"'

"I don't wanna put it up," Luci said softly. "I want it down with my curls, like momma always wears-" she stopped, her lower lip quivering.

Maura nodded. "Okay baby. I'll just brush it out then."

Maura turned Luci around, sitting behind her on the bed. She sprayed the apple scented detangler in the long, thick curls and began to brush, smiling as she watched the once frizzy hair become silky and smooth, ebony locks curling in perfect, yet still wild, spiral curls. When she was done she set the brush down, the only addition to Luci's hair a simple black headband with a white bow on it. She kissed the tip of Luci's nose and smiled.

"All done."

"Do we leave now?"

"Yeah baby, we have to leave now."

"I'm scared," Luci whispered softly. "I don't wanna see all of momma's friends. I wanna just have momma back."

Maura nodded. "I know. Me too, babygirl. But momma's friends love us, okay? And even though momma isn't here anymore, they still love us very much."

Luci nodded and grabbed Maura's hand as the doctor stood, making her way out of the little girl's bedroom and down the stairs. When they reached the bottom Maura stopped, frozen. She knew that around the corner would be Angela and Frank, Tommy and Frankie, Korsak and Cavanaugh, all of Jane's family, her family, and suddenly she felt ice in her veins. She couldn't do this. She couldn't get through this. She needed Jane. The anxiety that had fled from her long ago came barreling back, settling deep inside of her. Her hands shook and her breathing became shallow, her heart hammering in her chest.

A small tug on her left arm drew her attention away from her oncoming panic attack.

"You can do this, mommy," Luci told her quietly. "I'm scared, too. But we still have each other, right mommy?"

Maura almost choked on tears as she nodded, answering with a soft, "Right, babygirl." She was stunned by Luci's words, the wisdom that of someone far beyond her seven years of age.

They made their way hand in hand into the living room, Luciana seeing Angela and immediately running straight for her. She hugged her Nonna tight, the older woman picking up her granddaughter as the little girl wrapped her arms around Angela's neck. Maura smiled at Angela, seeing that the Rizzoli matriarch wasn't doing much better than anyone else in the room. Tommy and Frankie walked up to Maura, Tommy pulling Maura into a hug, feeling Maura wrap her arms around his waist as she relaxed in his embrace.

"I'm sorry, Maura," he told her quietly. "But we all still love you. You're still our sister, okay?"

Maura nodded, smiling at him as he released her, only to be enveloped in a hug by Frankie. He rubbed her back, his hold tightening.

"I know you miss her, but you're still one of us, okay?"

"I know," Maura told him softly. "I just… I want her back, Frankie," she forced out, her voice going hoarse. "I miss her so much."

Angela watched from a distance as Maura began to break down, and her heart broke just that much more. She passed Luci to Korsak, watching the Sargent smile as he played with the miniature Jane Rizzoli in his arms. Angela quickly made her way to Maura, pulling the woman into a tight embrace, her arms warm and her grip strong. She rubbed Maura's back, feeling the way Maura clung to her.

"I can't sleep anymore, Angela," Maura told her. "I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't…function. If it weren't for Luciana, I don't think-"

"No," Angela scolded. "Don't you dare say it, Maura Isles." She pulled back, holding Maura out arm's length, just as Maura had done to Luci earlier that morning. "Jane loved you with her whole heart. She still loves you. She entrusted you with the care of her daughter long before she even asked you on a first date. That little girl needs you, and you need her. Don't leave her alone, Maura."

Maura nodded, wiping her eyes with her fingertips, knowing Angela was right.

Korsak appeared next to them, Luci still in his arms, his face solemn. "The car service is here."

They all made their way towards the door, the limo from the funeral home for Maura, Luciana, Angela, Frank, Tommy, and Frankie. The officers got into their cars, lights on but sirens off, the flashing lights eerie even though it was already after nine in the morning. Maura reached the front door, lingering as she looked back into her house. Her chest felt tight and her heart heavy as she realized she would never see Jane in her house again. She bit her lip as she pulled the door closed behind herself, stepping down her steps towards the sidewalk. As she approached the limo she heard a voice say her name and turned around, positive she had to have been mistaken.

"Maura, wait," Constance called as she reached the Doctor. "Your father and I had to be here for you. We are so sorry-" That was as far as she got before Maura wrapped her in a hug, clinging to her mother for dear life.

"Thank you," Maura whispered hoarsely. "Thank you so much for coming."

"Of course we would be here, darling," Constance told her quietly.

Richard Isles approached, his hand resting on Constance's back, his other resting on Maura's shoulder as she pulled away from her mother's embrace.

Richard Isles was a bit taller than Constance, his hair now pure grey and his face friendly. He donned a black suit and a black tie, his demeanor that of a father and not the powerful, wealthy man he had become over time. He opened his arms and hugged his daughter, closing his eyes and remembering a time when she had been a little girl, running into his arms whenever something bad had happened. He hugged her tightly for a moment before letting her go, smiling softly at her, his eyes full of sorrow.

"I'm so sorry, babygirl," he offered weakly. "I wish I could fix this."

Maura nodded, "Me too."

"We will meet you at the funeral home," Constance told Maura.

"No, please, ride with us," Angela's voice interrupted as she exited the car. "You're Maura's parents. You are a part of this family and should be in here, too."

Constance smiled softly, thanking Angela. After careful rearranging of the seating order, everyone was in and the car began to creep forward, the procession moving slowly throughout Boston's streets. Maura held Luci in her lap, her arms locked tightly around her small waist. The little girl's turned in Maura's lap and looked out the back glass, the long line of flashing blue and red lights shining off of the windows of buildings. Maura looked forward, watching cars part on the street like the Red Sea. The procession of officers told the public that this was in honor of one of Boston's finest that had fallen, and while Jane had not died in duty, she was a decorated detective and a hero to this city.

As the line of cars arrived and everyone began making their way into the funeral home a thick, heavy feeling of loss fell over everyone in attendance. The feeling seemed to weigh down the air like summer time humidity, the feeling seeping into their clothes and sticking to their skin; it made breathing difficult as it seemed to slither through Maura's respiratory system, making the tightness in her chest that much worse.

She watched as everyone mingled and greeted, speaking quietly. She waited, watching as everyone began to make their way to their seats, the elected priest, the one who had married Jane and Maura, standing at the front of the church. When everyone was seated and the family made their way in, the priest began.

"Today, we have gathered here to remember one of Boston's finest. I say that in the truest sense of the term. Jane Clementine Isles was indeed one of Boston's finest. She was one of its finest officers, detectives, parents, spouses, and citizens. She, from a young age, had a heart that was big enough to handle whatever came her way, and cared for all others before herself. Six years ago I was lucky enough to be asked to wed Mrs. Isles to her wife of six years, Maura. I can still remember the day that Jane came to me in private, asking me if I would be willing to do this for her. I told her I was honored. Today, I am both saddened and honored to lead us all through the grieving of her loss; of the tribute to her memory."

Maura stared straight forward, feeling uneasy as she listened to the man continue. For a woman who had never even entertained the validity of God, and who still didn't believe in one, especially not now, this was the most awkward part to her. What God would have taken the only thing she had ever had in life away from her? What God would take the mother of this beautiful child next to her away before Luci was even old enough to fully understand what had happened to her mother? A ruthless, merciless one that Maura didn't know if she could believe in. For all she had ever heard of His mercy, none seemed to be present. Yet being with Jane, the brunette had managed to make Maura open her mind and consider the possibility of a higher power, even if she didn't entirely believe in one.

As the service continued on the priest went on briefly about how amazing of a person Jane had been, how she had served her city and protected the lives of countless of others, how she had been a dedicated mother and wife, how she was a loving daughter, and as Maura listened as he went on, it became more and more difficult to keep her composure. Next there was a prayer, a hymn was sung, and then the priest reappeared in front of the group. Some to speak

"Before we continue and conclude with a final prayer and a concluding hymn, I invite some of Jane's closest friends and family members to speak regarding her."

The priest moved to the side, sitting down in a chair and leaving a heavy silence and empty podium. For a moment, no one moved, and then Korsak stood. He ran his hands over his uniform, straightening it out before he approached the podium. He gripped the sides, looking out over the large group of people, and thinking of how much Jane would hate being made the center of attention. Maybe it was that thought that caused it, but those words became his opening words.

"Jane hates," he paused, clearing his throat, "hated, being the center of attention. She didn't like anyone making a big deal over her. That being said, I think that's why this service is appropriate. There's no mayor, no flashy crowds, no forced blue wall, nothing over the top. Much like her partner Barry Frost, when Jane's life was cut short, we came out to support her memory and her family out of respect and love for who she was."

Faces looking back at him smiled, heads nodding as officers dressed in pristine uniforms agreed.

"Jane Rizzoli was an amazing detective. She did her job above and beyond the best of her abilities, and when it came to helping someone, to putting their life before her own, she did so without any regard to the personal consequences. But Jane was so much more than a detective. To me, she was like a daughter, a young woman with a bright future not only in her chosen career field, but in life in general. Jane was always a bit of a loner, being the only female in homicide, and the youngest at that, she felt challenged, like everyone was after her bone and she was the street dog that had strolled in with it. Then Jane met a young woman, also the youngest in her career field to ever become Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth, and Jane changed."

Maura's eyes locked with Vince's as she heard his words, snapping out of the reverie she had been in.

"This young woman had met Jane when she was still in the Drug Unit, and once she had become a homicide detective, they had clicked. Doctor Maura Isles changed Jane. She made Jane more careful, she made her fight harder for things, and she made her happier. From what I saw, Jane changed Mrs. Isles, as well. I'll never forget the day she laid Crowe out for calling the Doctor The Queen of the Dead, throwing in some rather cold expletives. Jane got up from her desk, almost as if she were just going to get coffee, and walked right up to him and threw a right hook."

A few cops and detectives chuckled, Angela and the Rizzoli clan smiled, Tommy grinning like a fool, and Maura, she smiled, her eyes watery as she laughed softly at the memory.

"From the moment Jane laid eyes on Maura Isles, she changed, and when she became her wife, Jane became so much more than the Detective Rizzoli we were used to. I'm grateful for that," Korsak said quietly. "Maura kept Jane from making reckless decisions that in the past would've been her first basic instinct, and if it weren't for this tragedy, for how her life has been taken away from us, then next week Jane would've made Lieutenant. She would've been the best damn Lieutenant anyone as ever seen in this city, and she would've kept these streets clean as long as she were around. We lost an amazing friend, detective, human being, and light on this earth when Jane was stolen from us," he admitted quietly, bright tears shining in his eyes. "And I will never forget the things she gave us, and that she taught us. At Detective's Frost's funeral she told us that death could not take all of the happy memories we have of him. Well, it can't take the ones we have of Jane, either. Jane will always live on in every single one of us. We miss you, Janie, and I hope when I get there and meet you at our big, round booth on the other side, you forgive me for calling you that aloud. It just sort of happened. We love you."

Korsak nodded at those in attendance and stepped down, going back to his seat. As he sat, Maura watched as her mother stood, Constance's steps careful as she climbed the few short steps and took her place at the podium. Richard watched his wife and smiled softly, acknowledging her gesture as she looked at him for reassurance. When her steel eyes fell on Maura, she saw that her daughter was stunned, obviously not expecting her mother to speak.

"I met Jane Rizzoli years ago when she was just my daughter's best friend. When I met this woman, when I shook her and, I learned things in that one gesture than I had ever imagined I would. Jane looked at me with a fierce gaze, one of protection for my daughter that I now know she looked at anyone who would endanger another human's life with. She shook my hand with a firm, tight grasp, holding it for a moment and looking me in the eye, showing me that she didn't care who I was or where I was from. That she was going to treat me the same as she treated everyone else, and that within itself made me respect her that much more. But in that moment, I learned quite possibly the most important detail about Jane."

Constance took a steadying breath, her hands gripping the podium as she gathered her words.

"Jane Rizzoli was a person of uncompromising spirit. She did not change for anyone. She neither hid what she was, nor tried to be anything else. She was merely Jane, and I respected that. In a world where most people will sell their morals and values and beliefs for a fistful of cash and anything of earthly value, Jane Rizzoli would not. In the time I knew her, I came face to face with a beautiful, pure, genuinely good soul and person, and I have been blessed by that. I cannot imagine what her mother, what her family, what her wife are all going through. But if my heart breaks this badly for the loss of this beautiful woman, then I know their pain must be immensely deeper than my own. I will always be thankful to Jane for several things that she did for me, but most importantly, I am thankful that she protected my daughter, gave me a family, and stayed who she was. She changed not only my daughter, but myself as well, and for that, I will always remember and cherish her for the unique person that she was."

As Constance returned to her seat, Richard met her halfway, taking her hand and kissing the back of it as he returned with his wife back to their seats. As Maura watched them, some small part of herself that was left in the deep recesses of her soul shattered in the most pain and cliché of the word. She physically felt it. She felt the pain of every lost year, of every lost touch, of every kiss she would never have and every date they would never go on. She felt it like a knife through the heart, as if someone were beginning the Y incision on her own autopsy, her nerves screaming at her from the inside out that everything would make her hurt. In that moment, Maura Isles completely broke. Tears fell down her face as she silently watched her parents and then watched Angela stand, Korsak rising with her and walking her to the stairs, kissing her cheek. Maura felt so much pain in that moment that her chest became tight and the small hand of Luciana was almost crushed in her grip. Maura's shoulders shook hard with every silenced sob, and as she looked next to her at Luciana and saw the little girl crying, she wrapped her arms around the small body and clung on tightly, afraid that if she let go she would explode from all the things she felt inside of herself. She focused on Angela's words as she spoke, her shoulders still shaking as she buried her face in her daughter's hair.

Angela looked out at the crowd, both amazed and proud of the amount of people who had shown up for her daughter's funeral. She saw rookie beat cops and senior detectives, Commissioner Cavanaugh and district attorneys, victim's families from murders she had solved, she could see Rondo and others she had helped, and then her own family and Maura's family. It was astounding how many lives one woman had touched, and the fact that she was Jane's mother made her feel honored.

"Looking around today I see familiar faces. I see Agent Dean and newly promoted Agent Crowe. I see Joey Grant and I see Casey Jones and his family. I see kids Jane went to school with and friends she made in recent years. Most importantly, I see the lives of people she has changed. I spent the majority of Jane's career being the worried mother. I hated her being a cop. I was terrified that one morning I would take up to the phone call or knock on the door that my Janie was gone. Underneath it all, under every nagging comment and worried remark, I was so immeasurably proud of my daughter," she choked out.

"Growing up, Jane was different, and as worried as that made me, I loved it all the more. She strived in everything she did, and was determined that being good enough wasn't anywhere near enough for her. She wanted to be the absolute best. When Jane became a cop, she set out to make a change in this world. Time and time again I watched her take on criminals of all types and come out on top, albeit bruised and scraped up. But that was Jane, and doing anything else would've made her miserable."

She sniffled and wiped her eyes as she gripped the podium as everyone before her, her knuckles turning white as she held on, hoping it would keep her upright and from passing out.

"Jane was my babygirl," she forced out. "And though I will always be missing a part of myself, I can't bring myself to hate the man who did this," she said quietly. "I forgive him because Jane would want me to. Because Jane would. She would pretend every day that she had never forgiven him, but underneath it all, Jane would, because she always believed that without forgiveness, we were just as bad as those who were heartless enough to take someone's life." She looked around, her eyes falling on the Medical Examiner who was crumbling in the pew. "My daughter was taken from us. From her family and friends, her career and her goals in life; she was taken from her wife of six years and her seven year old daughter. Jane was stolen from us. But we can keep her alive. Everyday do something for someone else. Be kind to someone who isn't kind to you. Give a beggar some change and a homeless man a meal. Give the teenager you think is a delinquent a talk, and show them there's a life for them that's brighter than they know. If you want to keep Jane alive, then remember how good of a person she was, and keep that alive every day in any way you can, and she will never truly be gone from us." Angela cleared her throat, tears streaming steadily down her face now. "Jane may not be with us anymore, but she is alive in our hearts. Trust me when I say that I have never felt a deeper pain than what I do now, and what I have felt for the past week; but that pain is there because I loved Jane, and she loved me, she loved all of us, and we were thankful enough to have her in our lives. Remember her every day," Angela told them all quietly, "in actions and stories and when you're reading the sports section of the paper. Remember her when you look at pictures of her that you have and when you hear a story about someone who gave something up for someone else. Remember her in every way that you can, and my daughter will not have died in vein."

The room fell into an eerie and sad silence as Angela returned to her seat, her make up smudged and her eyes red and puffy. The woman's pain was palpable, her plea for everyone to remember the astounding things her daughter had done lingering and engrained in everyone's hearts and minds. Angela's love for her daughter was unmistakable, and the tears she cried were evident on everyone else's faces as well. Tommy and Frankie were both crying and Frank was fighting to hold back tears. There was not a single dry eye in the entire service, and as the priest returned to the front, he had to wipe his own eyes and clear his throat in order to be understood when he spoke.

"Unless anyone else would like to speak, Mrs. Maura Isles will be the last person to speak before we sing and then do a departing prayer. Mrs. Isles," he introduced softly, motioning to the podium.

Maura picked her head up and pulled back from the lifesaving hug she had given Luciana. She smiled sadly, brushing a lock of the little girl's hair behind her ear before she whispered softly to the little girl.

"Do you want to go up with me, or do you want to stay with Nonna?"

"Nonna," she murmured quietly, her lower lip quivering.

Maura nodded and took the little girl's hand, leading her across the aisle to the other row, watching as Angela took the little girl's hand and then pulled her onto her lap, wrapping her arms tightly around the little girl. Maura swallowed thickly and made her way to the front, her steps slow but her back straight and her head held high. Her tears rimming her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She kept herself walking tall as she stepped up each step and made it to the podium, looking down at the wood under her hands. She drummed her fingers on it as she looked out at Korsak and nodded slightly. When she did, he nodded back, smiling softly. Maura took a deep breath.

"Usually, people write these things out and practice them for days," she began quietly. "Everyone wants them to be so perfect, to capture what their loved one was before they passed," she paused, "or was taken. However, the more time I spent trying to make this perfect, to put everything I wanted to say into words, the more I found that I couldn't. It became more difficult, not any easier, and in the end, each failed attempt simply left me sitting somewhere alone in the dark, lost in memories of my best friend," she sniffled softly, "of my wife."

She could feel all eyes on her as she began to feel her façade of strength crumble and fail.

"It's funny how in the end, when it's much too late, we begin thinking back on all of the beginnings, the firsts we go through in our lives. Just this morning, while getting ready, I thought back to the first time Jane ever told me she loved me," Maura confessed, her voice wavering as her fingers went subconsciously to her lips, brushing over them lightly as she smiled softly. "As I thought about all of the firsts, I found myself wanting to tell you all about them, but in the end, I couldn't. Those memories, those firsts, are mine to keep. That sounds selfish, incredibly and cruelly selfish, but it's the truth." She scanned the crowd, twisting her wedding ring around her finger.

"All of you have your memories of her, and just like me, you'll find yourself thinking back to them if you haven't already. Of her first steps, of the first time you met her, of the first time she came to you and asked for my hand and you told her no, of her first day as detective, of her first crime scene, of the first time she kicked your tail in the gym while sparring, of the first time she scowled at you or surprised you with a joke. Your memories, those firsts, are yours to keep, and I don't want to know them anymore than I want to share mine with you. So instead, I'll tell you about the things after those firsts."

Maura cleared her throat and wiped under her eyes, making sure no tears were falling.

"After our first date, Jane came over to my house the next morning with coffee in her hand and a single rose. She did this every day for six months, whether she met me at the bottom of the steps or left them on my pillow or in my office. The day she asked me to marry her, she left a rose with a ring around the stem on my pillow while she went downstairs to make breakfast. She thought it was cute. So did I. But I still made her get down on one knee and ask me properly." The entire room laughed softly.

"The first day back in town after our honey moon we were late to work. Everyone thought it was for the obvious reason. It was because Luciana had gotten sick that morning and we were both so tired that we just took the loss and got breakfast at our favorite diner before work. She was upset, and expected me to be upset, but I honestly couldn't have been happier. I was late to work because my family had made me so, not because I had woken up alone after sleeping through my alarm." She heard Angela laugh once.

"The day after the first time I ever met Jane, she came to the morgue in her uniform, her actual uniform, and I had found it incredibly difficult to focus on work; not only because of how she looked in it, but because she seemed so comfortable around me, and at that time most of the department wouldn't give me the time of day." A guilty silence filled the air.

"The first morning I woke up in the hospital next to Jane, after she had shot herself to save countless lives, she looked at me and said, 'You look like hell.' That was also the first time I cursed in front of her. She thought it was priceless." Maura smiled to herself.

"The last time I saw my wife, the last time Luciana saw her mother, was the morning she was killed." The room was so quiet that the silence seemed to ring in everyone's ears, and Maura was reminded of the first time Jane had ever kissed her. "I woke up with her next to me in a hoodie and sweat pants because I had apparently stolen the blankets that night, and Luciana lying on top of her asleep. I heard her phone ring and answered it, and when they told me she needed to come in to speak to Commissioner Cavanaugh, I woke her up to go, against the feeling in my gut that told me I shouldn't, because as I told Jane frequently, guts can't tell you something." She looked around. "I was wrong."

"Jane was a beautiful person, and she would hate to hear me say that. She would look at me right now, at all of us, and whine. She would look at me and say, 'Mauraaa, stop. You're acting like I'm perfect.' And she would say, 'if one more person calls me Janie, I'm going to kick their behind.' And she would be right. Because to me, she was beyond perfect, and we all know she hated being called Janie."

Maura looked at Luciana, trying to gather her thoughts.

"Every single day Jane would wake up and get dressed, and the last thing she would do was put her badge and gun on her belt. One morning, Luciana asked her why she had to wear those things. Jane told her it was to stop the bad people from hurting others, and that they kept her safe. A week and a half ago, those things weren't enough, but if you asked Luciana today what those things were for, she would tell you that they were her mother's hero stuff, and they kept her safe. Jane sacrificed so much to protect others. She was a dedicated detective, a dedicated officer of the law, and a dedicated citizen of Boston who strived to make this city, this world, a better place. Those are things no one can dispute. But she was also a loving wife, a protective mother, and a brave daughter."

As Maura looked around, in that exact moment she felt more alone than she ever had, and for one reason that she found herself voicing before she could stop herself.

"She was definitely all of those things; but that is not what I saw her as; that isn't what she is, or was, to me. I did not see her as Detective Rizzoli, later known as Detective Isles, identifying badge number Victor 825. To me, she was more than the city hero who shot herself to save others or the reckless detective who selflessly sacrificed her life for others, putting it in danger time after time. To me she was not a victim of a deranged serial killer named Charles Hoyt, who later found every single body he had ever hidden, and every victim he had ever claimed, and saved the Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth from. To me, she was not the big, bad, swaggering detective that most of the department was terrified to confront. To me, she was not the girl from high school. To me, she was merely, Jane." She paused, taking in reactions.

"To hear me say that probably seems insulting, but it isn't. I didn't see her as all of those things, because she wasn't any individual one of them only. All of those things comprised her very being. They made up the woman I fell in love with. They made up my partner, my best friend, my wife, the loving mother to our child, and the one of a kind individual that I looked at and knew simply as Jane for over a decade. In twenty years, when we were retired and in my kitchen in the mornings, me watching her cook breakfast and her singing along to music on Spotify, she wouldn't be former Lieutenant or Sergeant Isles. She would be Jane. I would always simply see her as the woman I had fallen in love with when I didn't know I even could anymore, and that woman was simply Jane."

Maura took a shakey breath, looking down and biting her lip, recomposing herself before she looked back up at all of them and smiled as best as she could.

"Today we have heard from her mother Angela who raised her alongside Frank Rizzoli Sr. We've seen her brothers, Frankie and Tommy cry. We've seen her first partner and mentor, her friend, Vince Korsak speak on her behalf. We've seen that everyone she cared about, who cared about her, from Sean Cavanaugh to Casey Jones, to Gabriel Dean and Detective Grant gather here to remember and mourn Jane. You've seen me, you've seen her daughter Luciana, and you've seen my mother Constance Isles and her husband Richard Isles. You've seen so many people that helped Jane get through this life, and that she helped in return. We've been sad and mourned and Jane would absolutely hate it. She would want us to go out after this and have a beer, sit around telling stories about her at her favorite booth at the Robber, and that's probably what most of you will do. She'd want us to celebrate her life and the things she had done, and find at least one silver lining, one string of happiness in this; the simple truth is that right now, at this exact moment, we can't. It will take time, it will take each other, and it will take doing exactly as Angela has asked us to do in order to get through this, and in the end, we honestly never will. But Jane would always pick us up, brush us off, and charge head first into things for us. It'll be hard, doing that for ourselves now. But Jane had faith in us, in all of us. It's time we do those things and prove her right; don't let her down. So I want to thank you all for being here, for mourning and remembering Jane, and I want all of you to take the time you need and reach out to each other, and remember that the woman lying right there," she motioned to the casket, "might be gone in body, but her spirit is far from dead. She is very much alive. So keep her that way."

Maura looked out over the crowd one more time and then dropped her head, her face burning as she looked at the floor, her vision blurry and her steps cautious so she wouldn't fall down the three simple steps. As she reached the bottom, she felt everything she had tried holding in come rushing out, and before she knew what was happening, Vince Korsak was holding her in his arms, rubbing her back as she cried into his shirt, her tears silent but her shoulders shaking from the force behind her emotions. He walked her back to her seat, sitting next to her and holding her. Luciana watched, her small, dark eyes filled with tears. She slid herself off of Angela's lap, the older woman not catching her in time, and slipped out of the aisle. She looked at Maura for a moment before walking up to the casket.

Korsak murmured in Maura's ear, "look."

Maura pulled back, a death grip on Korsak's forearm, and looked at the sight in front of her. The priest, who had moved to go back to the front and dismiss everyone, stopped in his tracks, watching the little girl.

"Mommy," she murmured quietly. "Everybody else got to say stuff. I liked what they said," she said quietly, speaking clearly only to Jane. She put her small hands on the casket, her fingers running over the material of the casket flag. "I wish you was here, mommy," she mumbled, her voice shaking as tears threatened to fall. "Momma really misses you. I do, too. Your friends are really sad, and we just want you to come back. Please mommy," Luciana begged, little tears falling down her cheeks, "if you can hear me, don't forget that I love you, too. Momma says you aren't here, but you can hear me. I love you, mommy. Please come back."

Maura stood and approached Luciana, the eyes of everyone watching either filled with tears, downcast, or both, feeling they were interrupting a very intimate moment they were never supposed to see. Maura kneeled down and kissed her daughter's cheek.

"Mommy can hear you," she told Luci, "and she says she loves you, too."

She took Luci's hand and led her back to the seat, next to Korsak. The older man held Maura's free hand, not minding or saying a single world over how tightly she held on to him.

"At this time we will pray and then be dismissed to the graveside for the burial."

As the holy words were spoken, Maura sat stoic, feeling like anything that was left inside of her would have to go solely towards Luciana. Because she was now that little girls only mother, and Luciana was now Maura's last direct connection to Jane.


	2. Chapter 2

Maura watched them fold the flag.

She watched the entire process and saw the guard.

She watched them hand it off to her, and felt her arms reach for it.

She even felt the material.

But Maura Isles felt as if she were very far away from here in some distant land.

And then she watched everyone begin to dissipate after everything was said and done.

And before she knew it, she was the only person left standing next to the casket sitting on the platform above the six foot hole.

She looked at it, and tried to picture her wife lying inside. Jane was in her uniform. She was dressed to the nine's and she looked just like the dashing cop Maura had been on the arm of at Christmas banquets and charity dinners. But there was one huge difference.

Jane was dead.

There was no life in her eyes or laughter in her chest. Her heart didn't beat. Her eyes didn't move. Jane Rizzoli was dead.

Maura Isles was now entirely on her own.

She felt her hands start to shake and her chest get tight. She felt herself get light headed and the pain. She felt it coming, and this time nothing was here to stop it. She gasped, trying to breathe, one hand over her chest and the other clinging to the flag she held. She stepped forward, stumbling slightly, and grasped one of the poles on the tent covering the grave site, a fine mist of rain now trying to fall.

_How fucking cliché, _was all Maura could think as her panic attack came.

From a distance, Angela watched, and when she saw Maura begin to clutch her chest and stumble forward, she knew what was happening.

"Vince, watch her," she told the man before she stepped away, quickly making her way to Maura.

She got there just as Maura began to collapse, grabbing the flag from Maura's hands and holding it as she leaned down, rubbing Maura's back. She stayed as long as needed; murmuring quietly for Maura to breathe and that everything was going to be okay. After a few minutes she stood, bringing Maura with her, and turned the blonde towards her, wrapping her arms around her in a tight hug.

"I know this hasn't been easy for you," Angela stated softly.

"Not at all," Maura said quietly.

"Did you ever find out anything?" Angela asked, knowing how hard this situation had been on Maura.

Maura shook her head. "I don't know anything more than what they told me a week ago when autopsy was done."

Angela frowned. "It's so strange, everything surrounding this. Something doesn't feel right."

"You're right, it doesn't," Maura told her, "It's that Jane's dead, and I have no answers as to who made her that way."

The harsh tone she used to snap at Angela made her heart sink as she watched the older woman's brow furrow and her mouth fall open slightly in shock, a hurt and angry expression mixing with the surprise at Maura's misplaced aggression. Angela snapped her mouth shut, clenching her jaw and rubbing Maura's back slowly. Angela closed her eyes and took a deep breath, remembering that this entire situation was just as hard on Maura as it had been on herself. Maura must have felt the change in Angela's body language.

"I'm sorry," she murmured into Angela's shoulder before pulling away and looking at the eldest Rizzoli. "I didn't mean to speak unkindly to you. I know you've lost your daughter and I deeply wish I could change that." Maura swallowed thickly, taking a breath before she smiled, the corners of her mouth barely turning up as she tried to comfort Angela and fix the tension her lashing out at Angela had created. "I apologize, my anxiety just kicked in and the anger was a defense mechanism."

Angela nodded. "I'll give you some time alone, okay?"

Maura nodded, watching as Angela walked away. She turned back around, her eyes roaming over the black casket, and she felt her chest tighten again. She took deep breathes, forcing herself to breathe. She was exhausted as is, and if she had another panic attack she would draw attention, more specifically she would draw Luciana's attention, and she didn't need to worry the young girl anymore right now. She composed herself as much as she could and ran her hand over the cold, black surface. She swallowed thickly.

"I don't know if I can do this without you," she said quietly, speaking to the woman lying just inside. "I don't think I can do this without you being here to help me through it. You have helped me raise her for seven years. You're her mother, for Christ's sake!" she hissed, a wave of nausea running through her. "And Casey is her biological father. I adopted her when we got married. And Luciana doesn't understand, not really. She doesn't understand that you are never coming home again. That you'll never play baseball with her again or push her on the swing set. That you'll never be there to get her out of trouble when I'm getting on to her or make her laugh when I've had to scold her. I can't do this alone," she confessed. "I can't. You were the only reason I could ever do this to start with. You're so good with her. I always think like she's a little adult. A little you because she is so much like you," Maura whispered, her voice barely audible now as she fought to not cry again for what felt like the umpteenth time in the past ten days. "I'm scared and I don't know how to do this without you. Please, please let this be a terrible dream. Please come back to me."

Maura bit her lip and wiped at the single tear that had managed to fall. She took a moment to gather herself, speaking to Jane in her head and staring at the black surface, and then sniffled once before she turned her back completely to the crowd of people across the cemetery, composing herself and wiping at her eyes. She ran her fingers over the surface one more time, whispering, "I love you," before she went to the chair she had sat in earlier and picked up a single rose, like the ones Jane used to leave Maura every morning, and laid it on the lid. She kissed her hand, pressing it to the stem, before she turned and walked away.

She approached Angela, reaching out and taking the folded flag. She smiled softly and nodded a thank you, turning slightly to look at Korsak who held Luci in his arms, talking to her and doing everything in his power to make her laugh. Maura smiled, looking over and seeing Angela, the look she was giving Korsak. It hit Maura with a pang to her heart, knowing that the love they had was something she would never get to experience with Jane. Though they had met late in life, they would get to grow old together, one day get married and live out their retirement years on a front porch somewhere. Maura had wanted that so badly. She would never know that now.

She looked around at the group of people, seeing them talk and laugh softly in hushed tones. Most of them were telling stories about Jane, others were discussing if they had heard anything regarding who had killed her. Maura felt her jaw tighten as her eyes fell on Gabriel Dean, her curiosity asking why he was here, and her anger wanting to know what the hell he thought gave him the right to be here at all. Korsak followed Maura's gaze and realized who she was staring at. He cleared his throat softly, getting her attention. She looked up at him, embarrassed at being caught staring and smiled softly, looking down. Korsak looked at Angela and put Luciana down on the ground.

"Why don't you go visit your uncles with your Nonna while I talk to momma about something, okay?" Korsak asked the little girl, making sure it was okay.

Luciana stared at him. "Will you come back later to my house with us?"

Korsak nodded, "I sure will. I'll be with Nonna."

Luci nodded and smiled softly, turning and taking Angela's hand as the Rizzoli matriarch led the little girl away. Korsak turned and put a hand on Maura's lower back, leading her away and off to the side some, giving them distance from the rest of them.

"I need to speak with you about…that," he said quietly, cutting his eyes towards Agent Dean.

Maura swallowed thickly, "What about it?"

"Did you ever find out anything after the Feds took Jane?"

"All I ever got was the autopsy report. When I went to the funeral home with Angela we discussed all the options and decided that a closed casket viewing, memorial, and service was best so Luci wouldn't have to see Jane like that."

"What did the report say?"

"Jane was shot five times. Three of them were in the front of her body. One was in the lower abdominal area, one went between her ribs and pierced her lung and right ventricle, and the other was to the chest, which was the one that nicked her aortic artery. The other two were gunshot wounds to the back, one lodged just to the left of her spine near her vertebrae, and one in the lower right side of her back." Maura swallowed thickly around the knot in her throat. "Due to the trauma inflicted on her body, her chances of survival were low. The nick to the ventricle and artery, as well as the lung, would've led to issues revolving around hemorrhaging and the collapse of her lung. The bullet next to the vertebrae could've ultimately have left her paralyzed."

"So whoever shot her was making sure she didn't get up again?"

Maura nodded. She noticed the look on Korsak's face and knew something was bothering the man, and she needed to know.

"What is it?"

Korsak eyed Dean from his position, making it appear as if he were merely talking to Maura.

"Dean was there at the hospital when the Feds took Jane's body."

Maura's brow furrowed. "Why?"

"I don't know. But he was there to take the body and then ensure it arrived safely in DC immediately after you identified it. Which is why they didn't give you every long after you did. He's been in and out of Cavanaugh's office, and now we all have a meeting later today."

"We who?"

"Me and a few other guys, the captain of the drug unit, higher ranking officers of the drug and homicide unit. It's a mandatory meeting, and word in the rumor mill is that Dean will be there to brief us on information regarding the…case."

"You mean Jane?"

Korsak nodded.

"If the Feds are involved something is definitely wrong. You don't think they're investigating Jane, do you? I will not let them tarnish her reputation now that-"

Korsak held up a hand to stop her. "No. It isn't her, but whatever it is, it has to do with her murder."

"Keep me updated?"

"You know I will. As much as I can."

"Vince-"

"Maura, I know you want answers, and I'll be the first person to tell you that you deserve them, but if in the end I wind up telling you something that could jeopardize this entire investigation should it get out, they'll have my ass and yours, too. You know that."

Maura's jaw tensed. "I want to know when you have a suspect."

"You will."

"I want to talk to him."

"What? You can't just walk in there and interrogate him."

"I used to sit in on interrogations with Jane constantly."

"Yes, because she, a Detective on the case, was present, and they weren't cases of this magnitude."

Maura's gaze became cold. "I'm not asking, Vince. I'm telling you. Tell me when you have a suspect. Immediately. If I find out from someone else and hours or days later, I am going to have badges on my desk and heads will roll. I am not generally one to raise hell over anything, or use the favors and strings I have to get my way, but trust me Vince when I say that Hell will freeze over twice before I back off from this. The bastard that took Jane took Luci's mother and the only person I have ever been able to live my life with, and the only person I will ever be able to live my life with. Do you understand?" Maura met his gaze, her words stern and her gaze showing fierce attitude and slight compassion. "This isn't personal. It isn't against you."

"I know," Korsak told her quietly. "And that's why I need you to understand that if I have to do something to keep you from getting too involved or personally invested, I will."

They shared a cold silence.

"I'm glad we're on the same page," Maura told him, hurt in her voice.

"You know we are, Maura," Korsak told her softly, pleading with his eyes. "But I can't just blow procedure. Trust me, if I could, I would. I'd be the first person to catch the guy and hold him there until you showed up to either pull the trigger or watch me do it. I can't just throw the book out the window. The Brass and the Feds are all over this right now, and it has to do with more than a cop being killed."

Maura sighed and nodded, "I know."

"Trust me," Korsak begged her, "please."

Maura nodded. "I will. I do. I always have."

"Good," Korsak said. "Now. Why don't we go gather everyone up and head to your house? Everyone can mingle and you and Luci can get some rest. Today has been a long one."

Maura smiled sadly. "It's the third longest day of my life."

"What's the first?"

Maura smiled softly. "The day Luci was born."

_Maura's phone rang, the tone of Shipping Up to Boston ringing through her office, and she smiled, knowing it was Jane. _

"_Hello, Detective who should be on bed rest Rizzoli, how can I help you?"_

"_It's time."_

_Maura's eyes went wide as she dropped her pen. "What do you mean it's time?"_

"_Like, it's TIME time, Maura."_

"_Now?"_

"_Yes! Now! She's coming now!" _

"_Are you sure?"_

"_They told me to come in once my contractions were five minutes apart, right?"_

"_Yes. Are they?"_

"_Yes!"_

"_Oh my God," Maura gasped, standing straight up from her chair, knocking it backwards as she set her cell phone down, stabbing the speaker phone button on the touch screen harshly. "Has your water broken?"_

"_No," Jane answered, her voice a squeak. _

"_Are you sure?" Maura asked, her hands frantically reaching for her charger cord and ripping it out of the wall. _

_She slammed her laptop shut, hoping her Mac would forgive her later, and shoved it in her bag. She threw the cord in, knowing and not caring that half of it was sticking out. She ran across the room, her heels clicking on the floor as she grabbed her coat and shoved her arms through the holes, struggling as she ran back to her desk, grabbing her bag. _

"_I'm pretty sure I would notice if it felt like I had peed on myself, Maura."_

"_Contrary to popular belief, it isn't like the Hoover dam bursting, Jane. It's usually a steady trickle that feels like a small track of urine."_

_Maura hastily grabbed her phone, holding it in the same hand she carried her laptop case in, and jerking her office door open. She walked as fast as she could, heading straight for the elevator. _

"_I know, Maura! And it hasn't yet. Ahhh!" Jane whimpered on the other line. _

_Maura stopped. "Jane? Jane, are you okay?"_

"_Mhmm," she whimpered. "Contraction. Maura, please, hurry up and come home."_

"_I'm on my way, Jane. I need you to call 911, or get Angela to take you to the hospital." _

"_What? No! You are not seriously telling me that I have-"_

"_Jane Clementine Rizzoli, I am NOT asking you or making a request. I am TELLING you RIGHT NOW to either call 911, or get your ass in the car with your mother and get to the hospital!" Maura barked into the phone. "By the time I get there it may be too late and I am NOT taking chances with this baby, or with you. Now get your mother, or I will call her myself, and we are going straight to the hospital."_

_Jane was silent for a moment before she simply said, "Okay. I'll see you when you get there. Hurry."_

_Maura smiled. "I'm leaving right now. I'll meet you there."_

Maura smiled softly at the memory, a small laugh escaping as she remembered Jane lying in the hospital bed, expletives flying and the brunette in full on whining mode.

"She was in labor for over seventeen hours total, for all three stages," Maura smiled softly, recounting the story to Korsak. "I was there for every bit of it, and after I stayed at the hospital with her. I stayed awake all night, just watching her. It seemed so surreal that Jane had just given birth. She was just my best friend at the time, but I already knew that I was going to have a huge hand in this child's life. I just never knew that I would become her mother," Maura finished quietly.

"I bet that was the longest day of your life," Korsak joked lightly. "What was the second?"

Maura's smile faltered as she bit her lip. "The day you called me to the hospital and I saw her body."

Korsak's own smile slowly fell from his face as he saw Maura's eyes glass over, lost in the memory.

"I never apologized," Maura murmured softly, "for how out of line I was towards you that day."

"There's no need to apologize, Maura," Korsak reassured her gently. "I would've been just as upset but less together. I probably would have decked that surgeon out on the ground. And as for me? I would've punched me in the face."

Maura half smiled. "All the same, I took my anger out on you for things you couldn't control. You called me as soon as you could, and I know that. It isn't your fault that the FBI stepped in when it came time to do the autopsy. Obviously this goes much deeper than we ever expected."

"It still doesn't excuse how they treated you."

Maura's jaw clenched as she nodded. "You're right, but that still was not your fault. I'm sorry."

"I never held any blame against you," Korsak told her quietly. "You were forgiven before you even said it."

Maura smiled, turning slightly and looking at where Tommy had Luciana in his arms. "We should go back and join them before they get curious."

Korsak's eyes narrowed as Agent Dean began to slowly make his way over to where they stood. "Someone already has. Excuse me," he said politely, nodding at Maura and adding, "I'll see you when we leave to head back."

Maura nodded slightly and watched as Korsak stepped in front of her, heading straight for Agent Dean. She bit the inside of her gum, trying to refrain from speaking, and tightened her grip on the folded flag in her hands. She watched the interaction between Korsak and Dean, noticing how defensive Korsak's body language became.

"Gabriel," Vince greeted coldly, extending his hand for the Agent to shake. "Good to see you, though I wish it were under different circumstances."

"Vince, I could say the same," Agent Dean responded as he shook the older man's hand.

"You could, but we both know you'd be lying."

"Excuse me?"

"You don't want to see me, any more than I want to see you."

"And why do you think that is?"

"Because Jane was my partner, and you're stepping in on our investigation," Korsak told the younger man, "and you know that means that until this gets wrapped up and questions get answered, I'm going to be a special type of pain in your ass."

Dean half laughed, half scoffed sarcastically, "is that right?"

"You know it is, but trust me, right now I am the only person here that you want to be around."

"And why is that?"

"Because if it were up to Doctor Isles, you'd be buried six feet under instead of Jane," Korsak told him, his voice barely audible, trying to ensure that Maura didn't hear him.

"Why would she want that? I didn't put her there," Agent Dean argued, his tone harsh and defensive, "and I didn't-"

"You didn't do a lot of things. Like give her answers, or give her time with her wife's body so she could say good bye, and why am I so sure that you had a hand in urging the funeral director at the funeral home to convince Maura that closed casket was the way to go?" Korsak squared his shoulders, almost interrogating the man in front of him. "Trust me, you better be damn happy and thankful to your lucky stars that only the higher ups know about this investigation right now, or Maura, Angela, and the rest of the family would have your head on a silver platter."

Before Agent Dean could say anything in his own defense, former Detective Crowe approached the two men, sensing that something was going on.

"Everything okay here, gentlemen?"

"Everything's just fine," Korsak told the former BPD detective. "I was just reminding Agent Dean here what happens when you piss off someone from Southie, especially someone who is now a Rizzoli."

"From what I heard Jane became an Isles'," Crowe said. "What, the Rizzoli name too blue collar for her? She too embarrassed to be tied to a blue collar family?"

"Actually, it was Jane's idea to take my last name," Maura cut in, her eyes filled with anger, "and honestly, I don't give a damn what you think about our marriage or the circumstances surrounding it. I don't know why you're here, but I didn't ask you to be, and if all you're going to do is pose questions and insult me and my family, then I have to ask you to leave and not come back."

"Well well, Doctor Isles. Always good to see you. How have you been, Doctor Death?"

Maura stepped forward, her face inches from Crowe's as she looked up at the taller man, her stance defensive.

"I won't tell you again. Either pull yourself together and act like a decent human being, or get the hell away from here," Maura snapped. "You may think Doctor Death is just a nickname and a joke, but let me assure you that if needed, another funeral could be planned and arranged before the days end." Maura's jaw clenched tightly as she held Crowe under an unwavering, cold gaze.

"Is that a threat, Doctor Death?" Crowe asked, stepping forward. He smirked as he looked over to Luciana and then looked at Maura, cocking an eyebrow. "She's such a pretty little girl," Crowe told her quietly. "It would be a shame if something happened and she was taken from you. She'd probably go back to Casey."

Maura clenched her jaw, narrowing her eyes.

"Oh no that's no threat, Crowe, it's a promise; and if you threaten me or my family one more time, I can promise you that not only will the BPD have your ass on harassment charges, but I'll have that shiny new FBI badge and government issue gun you love so much melted down and used to make new earrings. Do I make myself clear?" Maura said darkly. She cut her eyes between Crowe and Dean, her anger evident. "I don't know why you're here, and I don't know what you're hiding from me, but I can promise you that when I find out, the amount of hell that comes down on you will be so heavy, you'll wish you still had the soul you sold a long time ago to barter with."

"Okay, whoa, let's all take a step back and calm down," Dean interrupted, moving between the two. He turned to face Maura, looking at her. "Doctor Isles, we aren't here to investigate Jane or to cause any problems with you. In fact, you have my word that should Mr. Crowe here give you any more trouble, not only will he be on the first flight back to DC, but he will also hand over his gun and badge and I will use it for paper weights on my desk," he assured Maura, turning his head to look at Crowe. "Understood, Agent?"

Crowe held Maura's gaze over Dean's shoulder as he answered with, "Yes sir."

"Now, that being said, I owe you an apology," Dean told Maura. "I realize now that I probably rushed you and your good byes with Jane, and I am truly and deeply sorry for that," he told her quietly. "I know you two were close. That was evident the last time I was here."

"No, I don't think you do understand, Agent Dean, given that last time you were here Jane was chasing after you and she and I weren't even dating, much less anywhere near being married. Since you left a lot has changed, and a lot of things changed how Jane and I saw each other. The fact that you had me identify my wife's body and then rushed me out of the morgue as fast as you could is inexcusable."

Maura's voice was rising in volume and she couldn't help it. All of her anger seemed to be unloading towards this man who had taken away her opportunity to look at Jane's body and say good bye, and she was outraged.

"The last time I saw Jane, my best friend and my wife, was the morning that she left our home. That's it. Then you swept in at the hospital right after she died, as soon as she was pronounced dead, and tried to take her. You tried to take her before I could even get to the morgue and see her once."

"We didn't need you to identify-"

"I don't give a damn what you needed and what you didn't!" Maura yelled. "I don't care! I got to see her long enough to see that it was indeed her, and utter one sentence, and you had them take her! You can never fix that or take it back," Maura snapped, "and I will never forgive you for it. Not even on the day they put me in the ground next to her."

Dean swallowed thickly, seeing the anger and hatred in the hot tears in Maura's eyes. He felt guilty and he physically hurt for her. He couldn't imagine what she was going through and to know that he had made it that much worse was unbearable at best. He had done as he had been ordered to do, but sometimes the things he was ordered to do hurt more than they helped in the end.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I wish I could take it back. But I can't. All I can do is promise you and give you my word that Jane isn't under investigation here, and we will bring to justice anyone connected with what happened to her."

"You better hope you can pull through on that promise, Agent Dean," Maura said harshly.

She gave him a once over before she nodded briefly to Korsak who merely stepped aside and smiled softly, watching her walk away. Korsak smirked slightly as he watched Maura head straight for Luciana and Tommy, smiling up at her daughter where her uncle held her, smiling softly at her as Lydia stood next to him, TJ in her arms. Korsak turned back to Dean, looking at him.

"Any further questions as to why I am the only person you should be talking to?"

"Absolutely not," Dean answered. "I wish I could take it back, but I can't Vince."

"You should've thought about that before right now."

"I know," Dean told him. "Since we're speaking of the matter, the meeting is to be held this evening at 1700."

"Where?"

"Temporary FBI field office that has been set up," Dean told him. "It's a few blocks from the precinct. The guest list is short and includes only a select group of FBI agents, a very small one at that, you, and maybe three other people from BPD."

"That's not much of a task force."

"Trust me, it's much more than just those people, but we can't have that many people all piled up here in Boston. It's hard to tell what information would get out."

Korsak nodded, "I understand. I'll see you there."

Dean nodded, looking at Crowe and signaling it was time for them to leave. As they made their way towards their car, they passed by Maura, who was now speaking to Joey Grant and Casey Jones. Dean stepped up to them, clearing his throat to signal he was there. He watched Maura's body tense before she turned slightly, looking up at him with cold eyes.

"Yes, Agent Dean?"

"I just wanted to offer my personal condolences, as a friend and not an investigator, to you and Mr. Jones and Mr. Grant. I am so sorry this happened to you."

"Noted," Maura replied cooly, her jaw tense.

"I also offer my condolences," Crowe piped up, a pained expression on his face.

"I don't want your condolences," Maura snapped.

"What's your problem?" Crowe asked, his tone angry as he stepped up.

"My problem is that neither I nor anyone in Jane's family wants you here," Maura responded. "You spent years treating Jane like dirt. I don't care what you're investigating, but I don't want to see your face here anymore. Do you understand?"

"I understand, and have to say that I honestly don't care what you want."

Maura's hand rose, prepared to land across Crowe's face, only to be grabbed by Joey Grant, former Detective and now liaison between Homeland Security in DC and BPD. She clenched her jaw, fighting the urge to jerk her wrist free, and relaxed her arm, holding her hand up to show she gave up. Grant dropped her wrist, stepping around and in front of her.

"Yeah? Well, I do," Grant told him quietly, trying to divert attention from the prying eyes that had turned to them when Maura had tried to slap Crowe. "She said she doesn't want you around, so don't come around. You got it?"

"Why're you protecting her?" Crowe asked.

"Because she's a friend, and so was Jane, and unlike you I don't discriminate just because she wasn't a brother in blue. She was a damn good cop and detective, and she was a sister in blue. I respected her, and I'll be damned if I let you disrespect her or Doctor Isles."

Crowe scoffed. "Whatever." He cut his eyes to Maura before looking at Casey. "My condolences."

Casey didn't say a word.

"Agent Crowe, let's go. Now," Dean told him, his tone scolding.

As the men walked away, Grant and Maura turned back to Casey, Korsak approaching and putting a hand on Maura's lower back.

"I'm so sorry," the older man told the doctor.

She merely nodded. Casey let his eyes travel over her, his heart breaking as he saw how much she was hurting. He had loved Jane, and he loved Luciana, but he knew that what Maura had shared with Jane was unlike anything he had ever shared with the Italian descendant. Maura had been allowed to see every piece of Jane, and though Casey should have felt coldly towards her, he couldn't.

"Maura," he began, his voice timid and gentle. "I know you and I didn't always get along, but I want you to know that if you ever need anything at all, I'm here for you."

"Thank you," Maura said, smiling softly.

"I also want you to know that I'm not going to fight to take Luciana away from you. She's your daughter just as much as she was Jane's. I meant what I said when you adopted her. I'll always be around to help out."

Maura nodded stiffly. "Thank you. That means a lot."

Casey nodded slightly in response, "No problem."

"How about we get everyone together? We can tell them we're migrating to your house, where they can continue to discuss or give last condolences before they leave?" Korsak suggested, staying close to Maura.

Maura nodded, "That sounds like a perfect idea." She turned and looked at the gazebo under which Jane's casket still sat. "I just need one more moment after we make the announcement."

Korsak nodded, "Of course."

They made their way to the large group, seeing that they had begun to form into one large mass instead of several smaller groups. Maura made her way to the front, mumbling excuse me every so often as she cut a path to the head of the group. She turned when she got there, Korsak taking his place next to Angela before them, Luciana standing between them. She looked at Maura, her big, brown eyes still seeming almost empty, the emotions she felt causing her to be very much unlike her usual wired and happy self. She stayed meek and quiet, not wanting to speak to anyone. Maura smiled softly to herself, this is the side of Luciana that made Maura think of a younger version of herself. Maura sighed and looked away from her daughter, clearing her throat before calling out.

"If I can have everyone's attention," she asked, her voice loud but not heard. "Excuse me," she yelled a bit louder, causing everyone to fall silent at the same exact time and turn towards her. Feeling all those eyes made heat rush through Maura's body and a blush spread over her skin. She cleared her throat once more. "I wanted to thank you all once more for coming. Jane would be humbled to see how many people cared about her. As I'm sure you all witnessed, this has been full of drama and unwelcome situations. That being said, I apologize for anything you may have seen or heard, and am upset at myself and those involved for what has happened here today. This was a funeral, a time for us to grieve together and remember Jane; to celebrate her life. That being said, I would like to extend the invitation to all of you to return to our home," she paused, licking the edge of her lip as she realized the mistake; "My home, to return to my home. You can stay and linger or give final condolences and disperse which ever you would prefer. I would appreciate it if later this week sometime we could all gather at the Dirty Robber. I think it would be nice to set some time aside this week to talk with one another, and make sure we're all okay. I welcome you to my home and announce that at this time we should begin to make it that way before the storm hits. Thank you all so much for coming."

The group began to speak quietly once more as they made their way towards their respective vehicles, some offering Maura handshakes and kind words as they left. Susie and her boyfriend approached her to give her a hug and offer condolences, saying they would stop by her home after they went to check on Kevin's mother. As everyone began to leave, Maura found her gaze fixated on the casket. It's surface covered with flowers and surrounded by beautiful bouquets and arrangements. She imagined what Jane looked like inside. Her hands folded and resting on her stomach, her wild curls tamed and pulled into a bun, her make up natural and just so very much Jane; Maura couldn't help but smile as she thought about how much Jane would hate it. She shook her head before she sighed and with one more glance over her shoulder, walked away.

From their government issue black sedan, Agents Crowe and Dean watched as everyone made their way to their respective vehicles, quietly speaking amongst one another. Crowe leaned against the car door, his arms crossed over his chest. Dean stood next to him, arms also crossed over his chest, his feet apart and his shoulders tense and defensive, his eyes on the ground.

"Agent Crowe, I am not going to tell you more than this one time. You do not get another warning after this. Do you want to be included in this investigation?"

Crowe's jaw clenched as he forced out, "Yes sir."

"Do you want to prove to the bureau that you deserve to be here? To wear this badge?"

"Yes sir," Crowe angrily answered, his responses getting gradually more bitter and angry.

"Then let me make myself understood in that seemingly empty head of yours. You will stand down and keep your mouth shut unless otherwise instructed. You will treat everyone involved here with this case and this family and city with the utmost respect and courtesy, or I will make damn good on my promise; that's right, promise, not threat. I will take that badge and shove it up your ass if you don't watch yourself. I don't give two shits what your personal issues were with Jane Rizzoli, you're going to get your ass off your shoulders and act accordingly, or I will tear the rest of your career to shreds. Do I make myself clear?"

Crowe looked up from where his eyes had been boring a hole into the ground, his hands in death grips around his own upper arms and his jaw clenched so tightly his mouth hurt. He nodded curtly, mumbling a pathetic, "Yes sir."

"I said, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, sir. Crystal," Crowe responded, louder this time.

"Good. Now, help me make sure everyone is gone so we can finish what we need to do here and head to the field office."

"The field office? Or-"

"The field office."

Crowe nodded, "Understood."

They got in their car and sat, waiting to ensure that everyone had dispersed. When no one was left at the cemetery Gabriel pulled out a burn phone and dialed only one of five numbers he was allowed to contact from the cheap, secure phone.

"Yeah, this is me. All clear. Bring her in, but hurry up. We don't have long and we can't close down the cemetery for more than ten minutes."

Dean ended the call, opening the glove box and locking it in. He and Crowe waiting, their eyes looking around the cemetery, ensuring no one else was around, and waited. Within five minutes a small train of three black cars, two sedans and one SUV, drove down the small road that winded its way throughout the cemetery. The Dean's phone rang, his hand shooting out to answer it quickly.

"This is Agent Dean."

"_The gate is locked and the entrance has been blocked off."_

"Got it."

He hung his phone, looking at Crowe and nodding curtly before climbing out of the car. The three car procession stopped near them, their engines almost simultaneously cutting off as keys were turned and ignitions were silenced. The doors on all three cars, front and back, all opened, and out climbed a small number of men and women, all FBI agents, as they began to glance around, ensuring no one was going to see them. Dean reached the SUV and held open the door as the tall woman stepped out of the back, ducking her head as not to hit it as her boots hit the ground. Gabriel Dean met her gaze, a sad smile on his face, as he spoke.

"I have never understood why people would want to do this."

"See their own graves?" Jane asked quietly as she stood, pulling her coat shut around herself.

Dean nodded. "It just seems a bit morose."

Jane shrugged. "I can't really explain it," she told him softly.

As he looked at her, he knew it was a lie. He knew that she had asked to come here, downright demanded it, saying that if she couldn't before she left she wouldn't help them at all, because she wanted to see what Maura and her entire family had seen. She wanted to stand there and feel the sorrow from their tears, so she would know what she was working towards, what could have actually been, and how fast she needed to get back to Maura and Luciana.

"It's this way," Grabriel told her quietly as he led the way.

Jane fell into step behind him, her eyes glancing around, reading grave stones as she went, seeing who else laid in this cemetery, their lives taken or returned, passed on to the next soul. Crowe fell into step behind her, his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes down, irritation and anger running through his body as he thought about how dumb he considered this.

They reached Jane's grave and Dean Crowe fell back, letting Jane approach slowly, her hesitation evident in how she carefully took each step, almost as if scared to disturb holy ground. She looked at the casket and could see all of the beautiful flower arrangements that hung around. She edged closer, looking down, and her eyes falling on the single rose she knew had been left by Maura. As she took in the flower, the stems and crimson petals, she felt a lump rise in her throat.

"Maura thinks I'm dead," she croaked.

"I'm so sorry, Jane," Gabriel told her quietly.

Jane nodded, "I know."

She took a few more moments, losing herself in her thoughts. How had her family reacted? What stories had they told? Who had shed tears? Who had kept a stoic face, trying not to tear up in front of everyone present? Better yet, who all had come? Did her daughter cry? Her daughter.

"Luciana," Jane whimpered. "My baby girl."

As the words fell from her lips Jane crumbled into herself, sinking to the ground. She curled into her own body, tucking her knees into herself and burying her face in her arms where they rested folded atop her knees. Jane cried, she cried hard and silent, her shoulders shaking and her body sore from the surgery she had gone through to have bullets removed from her body. She knew that the inside of that casket was empty, but she should have died. She should be about to be buried six feet under in that damn uniform she hated but Maura loved oh so much. She knew that Luciana had looked at this box and thought her mother was dead, that she would never have Jane around to play sports with or read to her. She knew Maura had looked upon this and felt half of herself die. Jane had become engrained in her life well before their marriage. They had been married six years, officially dated for six months, and unofficially dated for the six months prior to that, the first six years of Luciana's life. For seven years Maura had been Jane's wife, and over time, over their years of friendship and shared lives, Jane had become an inherited part of her DNA, weaving throughout Maura's genetic code and life like canyons carved through the earth. So much had been lost today, and the worst part is that it was all actually still very much alive.

"We need to go," Crowe told Dean quietly as he stepped back up next to his boss and fellow agent. "The cemetery has been closed for more than fifteen minutes."

Dean nodded, knowing that Crowe was right. He stepped forward, kneeling down and putting a hand on Jane's back.

"I'm sorry, Jane. We need to go. You have a flight to catch."

Jane sniffled as she wiped her eyes, nodding. She looked up and hit her lip, her eyes stuck on the casket in front of her.

"Morose, huh?" she asked.

Dean laughed once, halfheartedly. "Yeah. Morose."

He stood, offering Jane his hand. She looked at it for only a moment before taking it and accepting the help up, wincing and releasing a quiet hiss as the pain flooded her body. She clenched her teeth tightly, gritting them to keep from making any more noise as she steadily got to her feet. As Dean helped Jane up, Crowe stepped forward, hesitating a moment before offering to take Jane from there. She cut her eyes to him, her dislike and distrust evident amongst the disgust.

"I know you don't like me," Crowe told her quietly. "Honestly, I still don't necessarily care for you very much, but you're stuck with me, and while you're under my watch, nothing will happen to you. You gotta trust me on this one, Rizzoli."

Jane grimaced, almost baring her teeth, as she thought. Finally she nodded once, curtly, and held up her fist, raising an eyebrow as she waited for Crowe to bump it. He stared at it for a moment before he spoke, a faint smile pulling at his lips.

"We're not quite there yet."

Jane scoffed. "Don't think we ever will be."

Crowe shrugged as they began making their way back to the cars. "You never know."

Jane walked back to the SUV, Crowe directly behind her and Dean behind him; all trying to make sure no one was nearby. When they got to the waiting car Jane looked around, breathing deeply as she looked around and her gaze fell on her own casket. She, Jane Rizzoli, was dead to the rest of the world, and the only way she could get back to her family was to put the man who had shot her behind bars and blow open an entire gang war that the city had yet to discover. She was supposed to do all of this from states away, where ever they were sending her to hide out at until things were calmed down in Boston.

"Time to go?" she asked Dean.

"I'm afraid so."

They shook hands.

"Keep them safe," she told him forcefully, her grip tightening as the words left her mouth. "If something happens to them you'll know, because I'll burn all of Boston to the ground if I have to. I mean it."

Dean met her gaze. "Noted."

They put Jane in the car, the agents climbing in and engines starting as they all pulled away. Crowe turned to Dean, seeing a weight on his shoulders that he hadn't noticed before. Suddenly he knew that this was going to be much harder than predicted because when it came to her family, Jane Rizzoli would break whatever laws she had to if it meant keeping them safe.

They turned and began the way back to their own sedan. As they approached Dean squinted, suddenly aware that someone was leaning against the hood.

"Shit," he murmured to himself, shaking his head as he got closer to the person.

"I thought you left," Crowe asked, his eyes falling on Vince Korsak.

"Funny, I thought I just saw a ghost."

"Vince, we didn't have a choice."

"She doesn't know, does she?"

"Doctor Isles?" Dean asked.

Vince nodded, just to watch Dean shake his head.

"I'm assuming that's why we have a meeting today?"

"Everyone will be briefed and read in. They'll know that Jane is alive and in protective custody while we hunt them down."

"Where are you sending her?"

"I can't tell you, you know that."

"Gabriel, I'll turn in my badge right now if I have to. Where?"

Gabriel sighed. "Small town in North Carolina."

"How the hell is she supposed to help us from there?"

"By telling us what she knows and staying alive," Crowe piped up. "I know she wants to go home. In order for that to happen, we have to shut this down."

Vince eyed them suspiciously. "How high up does this go?"

Crowe and Dean exchanged anxious glances. "Too high."


	3. Update aka Authors Note!

Good afternoon all!

In case you missed the update, I wanted to announce that I am now a United States Sailor! I graduated from bootcamp November seventh and now am in A school. That being said, I will begin updating and writing once more as soon as I can, but alas, I am insanely busy and do not have as much time as before. I will be writing and updating so I would love it if you stick around, even re-read and re-reviewed! Spread the story and the word, and remember that I'm still writing, I just need time. Thanks to everyone who messaged me with support and offered advice and counseling. I will undoubtedly need it sometime soon, and am incredibly humbled by you and greatful for you all. Thank you again.

Hope to be posting again soon!

- your amazed and proud author


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